SCRIPTED-MEMOS

2011-02-14T09:59:00.001+08:00

TODAY ; Regret.

2010-12-20T05:29:00.000+08:00

Maybe i like chasing you. It gives me a sense of hope, like a belonging, which i like to hold onto. It keeps me rooted. All these are so damn stupid. My life is fucked, i know! Damn! So i have a plan for myself. Teehee. Not sure whether its gonna work, but worth the try. If you run away, then you are officially swept with the winds into the world of, idk, jerks? Haha.

Damn, you are one beautiful man! When i look at you, my brain just goes whooooooooooossshhhh! Lost in my dreamland while gazing into your face, not catching anything you said or sometimes even hanging onto your every words. Hearing your voice the loudest when in group discussions. I know, its corny but fuck yeah, these things happen to me.

I realized true friends are hard to come by. The ones that are gonna be there all the time are the ones that you find easiest to tell everything, the ones that you rarely lie to, the ones that you are always comfortable with. I found my solace, finally. BARBIEFRIENDSFOREVER<3

2010-11-22T10:19:00.000+08:00

for some, last night had been the best but for others, it had been the worst. i fucking lost my IC, atm card, ez-link, my mom's atm card and 30dllrs. how suey can anyone get?!

now i made a list of things to do cos my life are practically turned upside down.

report loss of IC
make atm card
take photo for IC
make IC
make ez-link
GET A FUCKING JOB! whats wrong with me?!

2010-10-21T23:35:00.000+08:00

i am such a sueyyyy mess! i was late for the Science practical. we should be in school latest by 915am and i only woke up at 907am! ran down the stairs in slippers, wet hair flying, shoes in hand and cabbed all they way to school. and lo behold! i reach school at 930! should do this more often. i mean act as though i'm late so i will get ready faster. heehee. PLEASE LET THIS BE THE LAST TIME I'M LATE FOR ANYTHING SO IMPORTANT!

2010-10-20T01:48:00.000+08:00

LAST SATURDAY WAS A NIGHT TO REMEMBER! AHHHHH~! I'LL DEFINITELY MISS IT. I'M FATTER NOW NOT BECAUSE I'M DEPRESSED BUT COS I'M LIVING THE LIFE. I'M GLAD I CHOSE THIS PATH. I KNOW YOU ARE GLAD TO BE RID OF ME AREN'T YA? BUT TTS OKAY COS THE FEELING IS MUTUAL. SO DON'T WASTE ANY MORE TIME. I'M NOT GONNA SAY I MISS YOU, COS I TRULY DON'T. I'M WELL PROUD OF IT. BUT I JUST CAN'T BEAR THOSE UGLY JEALOUS PEOPLE. GOSH! HOW CAN THEY EVEN THINK HIGHLY OF THEMSELVES WHEN THEIR PERMANENT LOOK LOOKS LIKE DOG'S ASSES. DEAR GOD, LEAD THEM INTO THE RIGHT PATH OF SELF DISCOVERY. TT WOULD BE ALL. P/S; THIS AIN'T NO MAP. HAVE A NICE LIFE.

2010-10-20T01:36:00.000+08:00

yoga was hillarious. the poses are hillarious. the instructor is even more hillarious. HAHAHA. skipped Monday's class. i can't see myself going yoga! it's too wierd.

for this one whole month i've been busying myself with that group of people that i've ignored for a long time. then again, many don't know that they are friends that was made a long time ago. its not like i just met them and totally abandon everything. i trust them. and importantly, i enjoyed myself. so why is everybody so against 'em?

i'm so in love with my wallpaper. coz i got you on it. aaaaaahhhhhhhhhh! a new photo now. not the 2008 one already. HAHA.

i feel guilty everytime i walk pass friends whom are busy studying while i am on the way to some place else. i'm worried for o'levels but i just can't bring myself to STUDY. i wish i could kick myself in the butt. tsk.

last Friday was the first time i came close to a ghost. fine, i'm not aware of it but still tts the closet i've gotten and it will stay that way. i don't wish to experience more.

2010-10-15T18:59:00.000+08:00

did a little job on Thursday so now richer by a 100bucks.

celebratory lunch at Popeye's. i've graduated! yeayyyy! come to think of it, not really. what if i retake? haha. shitholes. i don't want to!

there are two types of people in this world. the pathetic one and the non-pathetic one. and you are the pathetic one. don't try too hard lah bro. and since when do your kind of people walk that part of Northpoint? HAHAHA. your kind belongs under a block, making an embarrassing nuisance of yourselves.

eh, takmo balik lambat lambat tau. nanti mak marah. lepas tuh msg aku dkat Facebook tanya pasal kau. aku pulak rasa responsible pasal kau.

SHOULD I GO FOR YOGA TOMORROW? HMMMMM.

2010-10-12T23:41:00.000+08:00

my baby got born last two days at around 10, which is cool. at 10pm on the 10-10-10. right? haha. hi baby, why so blue, why so square?

and now my biggest worry is paying off the bill. man oh man.

i have like a list on things to do before the end of this year.

go KL
complete my make-up set
get a cute laptop
GET A JOB!
dye hair.
get a Guess watch

for near future, i want to have that Mango outfit i saw. its like a beachy, translucent cotton shirt. for the beach lah. arghhhhh!

O'Levels is so near. i can practically taste it at the tip of my tongue. Grad Day is this Friday; meaning no school on that day. how fun is that?! i think my will to study is fading like non waterproof mascara when washed away. leaving thin streaks. thats how my will is left so far, thin streaks.

this is so lame. i've lost my touch. i'm inspired to post something when Fyzah talked about blogging few days back. i would have forgotten you if she didn't. haha. so see ya soon(:

2010-09-20T16:41:00.000+08:00

I NEED THIS BADLY :'(

2010-08-24T23:18:00.001+08:00

i want a watch i want a watch i want a watch i want a watch i want a watch i want a watch i want watch i want a watch i want a watch i want a watch

i want to lose weight i want to lose weight i want to lose weight i want to lose weight i want to lose weight i want to lose weight i want to lose weight i want to lose weight i want to lose weight i want to lose weight

2010-08-22T13:55:00.000+08:00

i deserve to be happy on my birthday right? you can't even give me that. why make this about you? it should be about me. its my special day. whats wrong with that? i was excited and i thought you were too. if you weren't picking up may calls and replying my msgs, what else would you expect me to think? why bother myself with the "unhappiness" when there are others who cared more?

suggestion: if you want to make things better, schedule another day. if its a birthday dinner, it'll be a birthday dinner even if its a little late. i would appreciate it anyhoooo.

yesterday had been a blast. girlfriends, you've been the best ever.

2010-08-22T01:12:00.000+08:00

another cool miracle is I FUCKING LOST MY PHONE at Sengkang McDonald. and a kind soul returned it. OMGOSH! here is how it goes; i left it there and somebody took it back home. then luckily my friend called my phone and he picked it up. so my friend from Vivo straight goes to AngMoKio to pick it up for me and drove all the way to my block to pass it to me. i mean, HOW SWEET IS THAT?

coming back for more updates tmrw.

2010-08-21T15:13:00.000+08:00

hello blogger. long time no see. HAHA!

UPDATES;

TODAY IS MY 17th BIRTHDAY!
gotten MT o'lvl results. DISAPPOINTING! although kinda expected it already but still so crushing. a B3 and a Merit. umm, so gonna retake. tts confirmed thn.
English oral dusted but i still think its screwed up coz i was distraught after getting the MT results.
F&N Coursework officially over.
joined Young Flamingoes.
getting a new floorball stick soon. p/s; its pretty
and my hair is SHORT now.

I HAVE A NEW AIM: STUDY! blearghh, life sucks.
but i really need this so have to bear with it.

so what's wrong talking to somebody whos capable of making me feel good? its nt like you'd give me a light in the day, man! its all pointless shit. and i believe miracles do happen on a special day like today. relations with people i don't really like are forged again. so all's good while it lasts. i have tons to be said but lets just leave it at this.

i've been on Facebook since morning. THANKYOU FOR THE WISHES(: and to those who bothered calling or texting last night. i'm grateful. and for the person with the early gift. it was unexpected. Thankyou Rina for the dedication.

on a happy note, till anytime. off gallivanting(:

2010-07-14T02:29:00.001+08:00

so i heard shes got a list. do you mean if the first on the list isn't into you, you'd go to the 2nd one and so on? how anymore pathetic can you get? omgeeee!
somebody looked like a dead toad yet still dared naming himself after a great football player. physically and also his looks. i mean, COME ON! you and C. Ronaldo are never and will never be on the same page. iyyyeeerrrrrr!

school is terrible. my phone got confiscated on Monday. and now i don't have an alarm clock. btw, studies have been fairly okay.i'm not too optimistic though. i think i have yet to buck up!

i have to schedule a day for F&N practical within this week but i don't think i have any free days. DAMN! still thinking on whether to go for the make-up class or school on Thursday.

IMMA GLEEK! i'm addicted to it like crazy.

just when i thought things are looking up. its okay man.

2010-07-09T06:28:00.001+08:00

i stayed up to watch a dumb game last night. GERMANY FUCKING LOST TO SPAIN? ohh wells, World Cup this season has been pretty shockingggg! but i think their "beginner's luck" gonna run out soon. so too bad Spaniards, Holland gonna win.

skipped school yesterday. and gone out with TBC to catch Eclipse. its been so long ago that it feels wierd now. anyway, the movie was wheeeeewhoooooyeahhhhh! HAHA. okay it was intense. Bella reminded me of somebody. i envy Alice+Jasper. grrrr! and the newborn was drop dead gorgeoussssss! next on list would definitely be THE CRAZIES.

so i got a new pumps. gotta try it out on Saturdayyyyyyy. wait. no its Sunday. haha. Cousin getting married. well, i'm gonna miss you, cousin.

2010-07-05T17:19:00.000+08:00

I CAN'T WAIT FOR O'LEVEL TO BE OVER!

2010-07-04T21:06:00.000+08:00

i got tons of stuff to talk about but i think i'll keep it short and simple. firstly is the new jersey issue. its too DAMN UGLYYYY! i don't wanna be caught dead wearing it.

another thing is the Youth Day celebration. to those who knew, hmmmmmm. hes shit hot or even hotter. HAHHAHA.

last Thursday was our o'lvl mt oral and i totally screwed it up. i have a very good feeling that my Malay results gonna be suckish. no hope of getting an A1. grrrrrrrr!

HAVE FAITH IN THE GERMANS CAUSE THEY WON'T DISAPPOINT YOU.

2010-06-28T13:10:00.000+08:00

FIFA is making facebook statuses craazyyyyyyy. but anyway, England wasn't good enough. rooting for Germany all the way man! or maybe Argentina or Netherlands. heeeeee.

first day of school = TIGHT SKIRT DAY
and F&N is driving me super crazy.
CONCLUSION; I'M TIRED OF SCHOOL.

2010-06-25T21:39:00.000+08:00

school is starting. boooohoooooo! i'm gonna miss waking up late.:( btw, this week's plan for a study marathon isn't happening. i wonder whether the rest of O'Level taking students in S'pore are studying. i hope not. welcome aboard everybody. haha.

i feel sick. my body feels like an old lady. i even have an ulcer in my mouth. so why can't anybody believe that i'm sick?! it must be the school opening blues. hahaha.

i've been having crazy mood swings lately. yikes!

2010-06-24T15:56:00.000+08:00

OMG! I CAN'T WAIT FOR TOMORROW! hehehehe. and for the past two weeks, i think i've turned into a whale. i'm constantly eating. btw, yesterday was TooMuchChocolate Day and now i feel sick and feverish. pukes.

i'm considering on finding for a job. should i? should i not? hmmmmm.

2010-06-22T17:48:00.000+08:00

it felt like we are trying too hard and i feel really pathetic. somehow US is like eons ago. the deed is done, boy. i don't feel much up to it anymore. perfect dilemma.

aaaand, found this! hahahhah. CLASSSIIIICCCC!

2010-06-16T00:19:00.003+08:00

its true what you said about not giving up because you never know what might be in store for you.

if you wanna still berbicara kata kata rindu after the break up, i don't blame you. like you said, you can't help how you feel. but you could at least spare me the hurt. why the hell would you get me involved in the first place? and here i am left feeling cheated. if we are over, i don't think i'd get disappointed much coz there weren't anything significant happened yet. the only downside is it'll be my second time treated this way but on a different context.(: great job! you'll be placed in the same pile.

i remember this "don't worry lahh, i tak akan buat you macam apa yg drg pernah buat dkat you" hmmmmmm... really? omg. you are so full of bullshit.

SEOUL GARDEN WAS SPLENDID!
i'm so in love with their brownies. and LALA was funny. hahaha. i don't think there is sucha thing. it must be a made up name lahh. haha.

i love the girls' bonding session. pool-ing and the awesome conversation together. thankyou, girlss. LOVESSSS!
btw, i miss NUR ERNANI BTE FUAD :(

i borrowed a new book to keep busy. haha. i don't want to sit a round waitinggg like a moron. and my new slippers is AWESOME! gonna try it now. off to watch world cup. eventhough i'm not into balls, i love the company and the atmosphere. yeeeeeeehaaaaaaaaawwwwwwwwwwww! LMAO.

2010-06-15T03:32:00.000+08:00

did nothing substantial today. finished a book. trained to woodlands and bought slippers. hmmmmm.... ideal 14th.

fortunately, makeup can hide puffy eyes. i love makeup! buy me more if you're planning on staying with me.

i've been online for like half of my life. time please fly faster. or maybe i should start doing that bloody F&N for a change and stop moping around the house hoping for a distraction to pop out miraculously like a loser.

tomorrow, Seoul Garden. hope to have a blast.

patience is a virtue. so ella, be patient.

faith. i lost that a lifetime ago.

guys, please buy FHM Men magazine. learn tricks on being a good catch.
biggest turnoff ; ex talk (duhh!)
funny how some people just can't get that into their thick skulls. its THAT obvious. say it once and you're dead meat!

i gotta thank Mat Indon for the company today. thanks, really. Wednesday, my turn okay? hee.

have fun tonight love,

2010-06-14T17:21:00.000+08:00

"Just dont give up on it eventhough you know its impossible for you. Deep Inside You'll feel the Happiness you always wanted Even if you dont get it."

what was that supposed to mean?! weren't you happy with me? whats said cannot be undone baby.

i don't think you understand how i felt. kay. i admit. its jealousy and among other things. i've felt this way before and you know with who. its exactly the same. so what difference do you have from him? i wonder.

i stated my rights yesterday and it turned into a chaotic mess. who are you standing up for again? i'm lucky enough to have friends who got my back.

if you still can't forget her then tell me the truth. i'd be happy to leave you coz i'm not ready to have history repeating itself. once bitten twice shy. if you want to say its impossible fr you guys to get back again but you still want that to happen, then i'm sorry. i won't stick around to look and feel stupid for you. do you know how you got me in the first place? there wasn't even mutual attraction. i thought you were kind. tts all. why do you have to go out of your way in making me feel special? is it your way of convincing yourself that you still haven't loss your touch? i liked you only because you had me at a disadvantage. i was at an all time low. if a bangla came to the rescue, i'd have liked him too. what i'm driving at is you are no better.

i don't understand why would you even claim your rights when i can't mine. come to think of it, where is your end of the bargain?

there has been few changes to this week's schedule. i'm not going out tonight. i recalled promising to you that i wouldn't do that kind of things anymore right? i'm keeping to that. we'll see whether it's worth it. due to unforeseen circumstances, the visiting session is canceled.

so now, my today and Wednesday are free. what am i supposed to do now? i think i gotta hit the gym.

new hair, new chapter.
i've stayed patient with this hair long enough.
but i still love my hair long. should i cut it?
gosh i don't know. i can't make tough decisions.
i'll stay with this hair for a bit first and decide later.
prior to that, should i put in extensions?
(those who don't understand this is stupid)

p/s: Miss Tattle Tale can crash and burn. you weren't my favourite person to start with.

2010-06-13T04:50:00.000+08:00

dear diary,
i'm very emotional now. i hate to be like this. its the time of the month again. :'(

next week's schedule is packed.
MONDAY; evening event.
TUESDAY; Seoul Garden. Henderson Wave
WEDNESDAY; visiting
THURSDAY; Sentosa with clique-yo
i left Friday free.:D

14th is coming and unfortunately we'll not be celebrating together.

the past two weeks had been hectic and yet awesooommmmeeeee!

~~cause there's no easy way out, baby.~~

2010-06-05T21:09:00.000+08:00

MASQUERADE MASQUERADE! YEAYYYY! HAHA.
please let me attend.

i didn't know having a boyfriend would left me feeling lonelier than ever.

2010-06-05T14:30:00.000+08:00

carefree

FUCK O LEVEL LAHH! its sucking my life away.

missed school twice this week. i hate F&N. MOE should close down the subject so no more people would get cheated. i thought it was only about cooking but nope we are learning about nutrition and all the sciences behind food. no way man! i told you right, science isn't my forte.

i myself wonder sometimes how i can stay so patient. i wish i have enough courage to lash everything out but no. i don't know if its worth the trouble. because i already know where i stand. i could just let it be. arghhhh! i don't know. was it really unreasonable what i brought up the other time? i thought not. at least practice a little bit of discretion. but its good that i've known. so i guess now its not wrong to talk to whoever, whenever, right?

its been a week since we saw each other. i don't mind if you want to have your gay party. okay. i do mind. why now? why not other times? i don't know what is important to you. do you realise what you've been saying doesn't match up to what you've been doing? i guess not. this needs a getting used to. maybe i think too much into things.

stupid things always happen at the wrong times. it either i'm touchy or my mom is. i think its my mom. she says i go out too much, i'm always home late-_- umm, no mom. just because you were asleep when i got back doesn't mean i'm late. you were tired. so what? go to sleep. i'm not bothering you. i think its MENOPAUSE. i thought with barely anybody home she'd have peace at last but no, shes picking on me now instead. however childish it may sound. it felt that way. few months ago i stopped fighting with her. thought i could keep up the momentum, guess not. it only makes me feel worse after SO I SHOULD STOP!

ive been having this stomachache from Monday. who the hell has stomachaches this long? and its all because i had too much to eat that day. WTH!

lastly, my earpiece which i broke my back to get it is not doing its end of the bargain. fvck! i'm gonna get the metal ones so it wont get spoilt anymore. whoever genius enough to invent it would get to sleep with me. HAHA! kiddings.

since i've not been free enough to blog often, i took up writing into diaries last week and so far there has only been 3 entries so i'm gonna bury the idea. i want to pick up a new skill. i want to join this malay dance troupe. but i'm not sure. haha. prolly not. i can't keep up.

life's been dull as day. whats new anyway?
this has been one random ball of a post.

2010-06-01T02:43:00.000+08:00

i'm tired to blog. proper update soooooooooooonn.

2010-05-23T19:43:00.000+08:00

yesterday was AWESOME AWESOME AWESOMEEEEEEEE! pictures are all gonna be up on facebook soon.

finally got around to deleting my myspace, netlog and tons more social networking accounts. the email notifications are really annoying man! and i did clear my emails. pheww! at last! its been like since 2008 i last did that. haha. and i realized i only sent a total of only 97 emails out. haha! so pathetic. i feel so ancient. in this overly fast developing country, i think i'm lagging behind. my hp is fvcking ancient! the mp3 i've been using is so 2007/8. what the hell? and up till now i don't know how the heck tumblr works. i think thats the reason why i fail my science. does that makes any sense? okay, what i mean to say is everything runs on science and technology and i totally (suck at)/hate them. okay this is getting so crappy. i have a very lame imagination.

i sense a change in us, a good change.(:
baby stay this way please.

2010-05-19T14:07:00.002+08:00

The Last Song is awesome!
Rating: 4 thumbs up! (wanny's, fyzah's, nani's and my thumbs!)

gotten results just now.
5 fails, 2 passes.
fuck! i so need a wake up call.
I'LL STUDY! (hopefully)
the spirit is there but the action isn't taking place. double Fuck!

gotta finish F&N. laterrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.........

i'll see you later.(:

2010-05-17T19:14:00.001+08:00

o'lvl F&N practical just now was uber TIRING! 4hrs of doing housewife work! gosh, i so don't want to cook anymore. and i accidentally burnt my hand.:( and its still hurting now.:(( but on a happier note, i get to enjoy good food. i can say this has been a pretty successful day. except for few thing i don't want to mention. like the papers before that for example. earghhh! glad its all over. from now on. its funtime! yeeeeeeehaaaawwwww!

tomorrow tomorrow tomorrow;
plans are kite flying and catching The Last Song with clique-yo!

commitment. i think its too much to ask from you.
p/s: tngk dngn kau cnfrm tak jadi nyrr. plan kita apa yng pernah menjadi anyway, you tell me.(:

suck it up, biatch.

2010-05-17T02:36:00.002+08:00

i told you, i won't expect much from you, this all is very complicating. i don't know what i'm supposed to do, what i'm supposed to think. haiyaaaaaaaa. and now sleep has also eluded me. pffffft! what a loser.

Nani, aku dah tak gullible lagi lahh.

2010-05-16T19:43:00.002+08:00

Music Playlist at MixPod.com

2010-05-16T19:14:00.000+08:00

i so want to believe you but it isn't happening anymore. good god, how any more low can you get? i don't give a fuck anymore. coz this shit ain't going nowhere. how seriously you take me for, i'll return the favour, which isn't that much so DON'T MESS WITH ME. i don't get why i'm always swamped with this "kind" of people. you are making my skin crawl. i think this game is new to you tts why you are being a chauvinistic pig. but who cares? you still make me mad. i'll bear with you for now. until later...

2010-05-15T12:15:00.001+08:00

i gotta get a grip on myself. i think i'm losing it.
i shouldn't expect too much from you anyway right?

mission impossible; gonna studyy.

2010-05-14T19:02:00.002+08:00

positive + optimistic = happiness

that should be enough for now.

i'll talk to you soon.

2010-05-14T16:02:00.001+08:00

FUCK! FUCK! FUCK! WHAT ASSHOLES!
its all talk huh. you're just the same. i can get another you in a minute.

2010-05-14T15:59:00.000+08:00

HAPPY 14th!

split personality? i get you. oh god, i so want to break up with you.

2010-05-12T22:05:00.001+08:00

this week has been hell. as everybody may have been informed, its EXAM WEEK! blearghhh. life sucks. can't wait for June holidays!! hehe haha hoho. buuuuuut, i think it should be packed with classes. damn those! ohh how i wish o'lvl is over.:'(

i thought it'd be cool to take exams in hall but now i don't think so anymore. its really very hoottt! whats more i'm seated in the center of the hall. no air air, can't feel the fan. only the 4ea and 5nc got them. fyzahh, grrrr!. i'll be literally drenched in sweat after each paper, especially maths. haha. well thats over. 6 more papers to go and i'll be a free bitch, baby.(not literally)

i don't think i've done my best for any of the papers yet. i keep on falling asleep. i can't help it. its too hot, too quiet and too stressful so i need a break. haha. i have one word for the exam timetable : COCKUP. its so cocked up that i'll be having 3 papers tmrw. whos gonna study? i know i'm not. maybe just geog. b'cos fat moh will kill me if i fail. haha. i hate science. i don't understand those lunatics who wants to become scientists when they grow up. HAHHAHA.

no offence to anybody hor, but i think the most stupid thing is to repeat o levels. that means you have to go through this nonsense twice! no thanks! i'm not so hardworking.

i think this is getting boring. haha. but who cares. ITS MY BLOG, MY SAY. haha. no lahh. i'm a gentlewoman, so i'll please everybody-_-

i hope those people who are always pestering me to lepak will crash and burn. ouch, so mean. haha. its so irritating, everyday, 'kiter turun yishun tao. jom lahh. dah lama tak jumpa kau. _____ nak jumpa kau, ______ nak jumpa kau. besok dia pergi ns' aaaaaaah, who cares. wait long long. aft ns then meet me lahh. what? if never meet me die uhh? walllllauuuu! i'm schooling, you guys are not! understanding abit lahh. pffffffft!

i want to watch The Last Song. :'(
i think Nicholas Sparks is a sappy man who only knows how to create sappy stories. the more reason for me to like him. haha. he must be a sweet, passionate man, maybe always daydreaming. i wonder how he looks like. i think i'm gonna google him.

omfg, he's hot! except maybe too beefy. haha.

14 is coming. and we're not able to do anything together, ohh wells, it'll all be over soon, this "ordeal". i thought i wasn't sure, then i was but now not anymore. haiyaaaaaaaaa!

ohh gosh, i should stop.
this is so not happening again _!_

i got your picture in my wallet (our picture-_-)
and your phone number to call (your friend's number anyway-_-)

i can't get over this photo. i just think its so funny! haha.

p/s: sorry tak call awak. saya tertidur. saya penat lahh. haha.

2010-05-08T02:47:00.001+08:00

i'm in love with today.(:

2010-05-07T00:08:00.000+08:00

kawan aku cakap takmo tengokk. aku pandai sangat pergi tengok jugakk. haha. and now i can't sleep. great!

ummmmm, 8hrs to eng ppr 1.

baby, you're only a heartbeat away.

2010-05-06T21:43:00.002+08:00

'i pray that something picks me up and sets me down in your warm arms'

this is our private show. i don't want you to complicate things further by bringing others into this mess. this is our mess so i feel that this should only stay in between us. tell them all. tell whoever you want about what i did. whyy? i know i let you down but i don't think that gives you the right to parade the story around. its fine if you're mad at me. if it makes you feel better, i can take it. i feel like crying everytime i see you. this guilt is killing me. i want things to go back to where we left off. if only i was thinking straight that night, this wouldn't have happened, right? if only i could turn back time. if if if....

i see you're trying to pull some of yourself back. its like i don't know you anymore. its different. it seems awkward now. the jokes didn't come out smooth. i falter in between sentences. i think a thousand times before speaking. what's happening to us? did i bring it upon us?

i can't concentrate in school, i can't sleep at night and the most worrying thing is, i'm eating non-stop! exams is in a few hours. and what the hell am i doing? i suck at controlling myself, my emotions. i'm always messing things up. i heard from somewhere that life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass but about learning to dance in the rain. i know i know. but i'm still stuck here, sulking. letting everything suck my life away. this is the most important period of my life and i am distracted like nobody's business. god, let all this be over pronto!

i have enough on my plate. i just wish things would turn out okay.

when i'm feeling helpless, i usually write whatever i'm feeling onto this little notebook at home. and last week i forgot to hide it, i slept with the book open beside me. and i think mom chanced upon it. straightaway i got a pep talk on prioritising. she told me i'm wasting my time. am i? i don't know what i'm supposed to focus on anymore.

let it go.

2010-05-05T16:24:00.000+08:00

i still remember this. our first time.

dear baby,
you mean alot to me. i don't want to lose you. not now. not ever. i'm sorry. i hope you'd let this go. but you must know it hurts me to hurt you. i'm my own biggest regret. i don't want your perception of me to change. i am still me. i won't force you to trust me back fully but i'll try to earn it. i don't care how long its gonna take. i don't want things between us to change but change is inevitable. i know. just so you know, you are worth every bit. i love you.

i think the reason why i acted that way was because i was mad at you for many things but i didn't tell you about them. i don't want to come off as an insecure and a jealous person. i don't get to meet you often so of course my thoughts would run wild. you didn't tell me stuffs about you. so practically i don't know anything about you that i'd like to know very much.

what happened made me realise how much i mean to you and seeing you near tears broke my heart. i realised that i miss you therefore i'm bitter all the time. HAHA. and i vent it all out by making you angry. i'm sorry.

this time i promise you i will not listen to whoever that tries to break us apart. you may not know about this. i didn't realise it at first. i trust you now.

forgive me baby.

2010-04-30T21:46:00.000+08:00

why won't i get stressed up? of course i will, right?

WHAT WAS THAT ALL ABOUT?!?!
maybe whatever you told me was because you know you'd feel bad if you don't. hmmmmm. i know. its been a very fast ride. there had been series of forced emotion. but then again, why start it in the first place? sleep on it.

about me you don't have to worry. ill get by like i always do. never say never.

lemme guess wattaya doing now?
i know i won't like it one bit.

i have a 1001 nice things to think abou but i'm still stuck at the un-nice things. optimistic ella, optimistic! if my train of thoughts are gonna be forever in this way, i'll die a grumpy unmarried old woman or maybe get married, but to an equally looser man. maybe even a screw loose. but whats life without its miseries anyway. get used to it! i already am.-_- but talking about it makes me feel better. then would i stop boring people with my sob stories(that i bring upon myself?) when i meet them. ELLA SO CLEVER!

am i fierce? NO, I'M NOT! i only talked sense. i think it must have gotten into her tts why she cried. wallau! i'm sweet, kind and many more good things okayyyy. HAHAHAHHA. because i think giving back and forth attitudes to minahrep minahrep kecil is so beneath me.

now the feeling totally sucked!

2010-04-28T00:08:00.004+08:00

sombody told me someone is interested in somebody and i found out that someone is feeling a little unhappy about something. therefore someone has been acting like a little bitch. well, maybe someone already is a little bitch all the time but the problem now is someone's bitchiness is heading in my direction. mmmmm. i love this. catfight soon ehh? yes. you got that, spot on.

another thing, if you feel that anybody is taking away your love, saying that anybody is a bloody flirt. actually no. anybody isn't. anybody is just a step ahead of you in LIFESKILLS. you are just not good enough at it yet. you'll learn them soon, let me give you a little lesson. you should able to control your emotions and know what to show and what not. guys like direct/slutty girls if they just wanna have sex with them but if they want one to keep for awhile, maybe a little challenge would be fun, pull his strings a bit. if they want to get married to a girl, guys are usually very careful. they want a decent one. face it! you are nowhere near any of 'em.

i think i'm crapping too much.

i'm tired. i'm so bloody damn tired! i have alot on my mind to think about and here comes the black cloud. so ugly. like a harbinger of doom. at this point of time i should be busy being a major-exam-taking student, i am. freakishly studying. BUUUUUTT, why oh why should these idiotic craps be in my way, man? a bump in my life journey.

everywhere i turn, i keep seeing things that are no very pleasant. but, imma big girl. i can handle. but if really that desperate a situation, i might need your help.

i just hope things will be like back then when i was a happy 15 year old kid , pronto! which is would be like 7months from now. gaaah! i remember during the hollidays. my butt won't stick at home. or it will for a few days. not moving barely an inch from the bed. i would go out early in the morning, and back in the wee hours and make a beeline for the bed. wakeup the next day with stale makeup like a mask on my face. if i go out at night, i would usually end up doing things that would make me feel sorry but it was well worth the fun. i'd also go out on one time dates. burn a hole in his pocket and then ignore him. can things be anymore fun?! life's sucha breeze.

fyzah suggested a pre o'level celebration. go shisha. hmm, soon okay babe. lets destress! i think tts the cause of a great many amount of turbulance happening in our lives.

i'm leaving everything in your hands to pave a way for us. i won't want to seperate you from your "adikangkats". all of them know you first so they pretty much deserve your attention. hmm. so like the gentleman you are, go layan them lahh. HAHA. this is so wierdly funny.

boy, i got my eyes on you.

2010-04-24T16:43:00.000+08:00

i thought today's gonna start early and be packed with activities. already psyched, i had my full rest yesterday. clever aren't i? haha. unfortunately, until now i'm still waiting for a somebody to finally beep me. i tried to while my time away by finishing up my revisions but only to find myself daydreaming time and again. i can't seem to concentrate. sucks right? i even tried sleeping. i had my mp3 on so the phone was put on silent. since either way, i won't be able to hear it. so i'm lying there, clutching the phone in my hands, wide awake. i even finished listening to the whole playlist twice! DOUBLE SUCKS! even my mom is kind enough to ask whether i.m okay.

so this is like my last resort. blogging. yeay you!

the point of the story is, TODAY SUCK REAL BAD!

and you are not feeling well........? ohh wells.
i'm still an idiot.

2010-04-21T17:47:00.002+08:00

don't you bloody dare fake it.

cause i can see right through you.

2010-04-21T15:29:00.000+08:00

who's that girl living my life?

#1 befriending my friends.

#2 saying my lines.

#3 talking in my tone.

WAH PIANGG EHHHH!

i think i have too much time on my hand thus i notice this kind of things. HAHA. ohh wells. gotta gotta gotta do something worthwhile real quick. like.......study?

ummmmm. ummmmmmm. ummmmmm. maybe later. heeeeeeeeheeee

2010-04-21T13:27:00.000+08:00

a girl asked a boy if he thought she was pretty and he said no. she asked him if he would want to be with her forever and he said no. she then asked him if she were to leave, would he cry? and once again he replied no.

the girl had heard enough. so she walked away with tears streaming down her face.

the boy grabbed her arm and said you're not pretty, you're beautiful. i don't want to be with you forever, i NEED to be with you forever. i won't cry if you leave me. i'll die.

2010-04-20T22:36:00.002+08:00

where'd you go?

i miss you so.

2010-04-20T17:42:00.003+08:00

put tomorrow in a bottle.

2010-04-19T18:19:00.000+08:00

see the irony? i went polyclinic, got 2days MC then walked under the rain eating chocolate. HAHA. i hate to look invalid. not as if i'm gonna die tmrw. DUHHHH!

i can't believe i said "mom, you made my life difficult by 5%" I'M SO BLOODY RUDE!

LEPAKK? OVER MY DEAD BODY! I'M TOO CAUGHT UP IN MY STUDIEEESSSS! HAHA. LIKE REALL! no, really.

2010-04-19T14:20:00.000+08:00

gave school a miss today. i hate getting sick. the feeling sucks. and to make everything worse, NO FOOD! which is a norm but i don't know why i gt so worked up over it also. haha. i feel like having oreo. sheesh. i think i'm pregnant. HAHA. better eat maggi before i die.

i don't know why do i always bump into walls. i think i'm loosing my sight. it must be karma cause i'm always disturbing this girl with satellite eyes. haha. still, she sucks anyway.

the whole of yesterday is WASTEEEEDD! did nothing much. if i'm out of routine, i'll be like lost. i need to pick myself together. like DUHHHHH! haha. my life sucks(not in emo way please).

somebody said i'm flat chested! booooohooooooo!

fuck paranoia

2010-04-18T11:02:00.001+08:00

the thing about facebook is that its messy!
messy pictures
messy comments
messy EVERYTHING.

THIS IS VERY RANDOM! BLEARGHHHH!

DANCE DANCEEEE!

2010-04-18T10:22:00.005+08:00

i thought yesterday gonna suck. but guess what? it doesn't. yeay me! haha. NUR HAFIZAH RASALI is awesommeeeee! hahahahah. really. not because of anything about yesterday. okay tt was a bonus. blearghhhh! but overall. we share the same interests. tt makes everything a whole lot more fun! next time ehh. bila aku kaya abit kayy which would prolly be after o'lvls or NEVER!! HAHA! we'll see kayyyy. AND PLAN TO CARI BAJU FR THEM IS A DAUNTING TASK MANNN!

babe, don't worry. i still miss you. haha. i'll see you reaallll soon. xoxo.

and girlfriends, NANI, WANNY, EQAHH AND RYNAAAAAAA. wo ai ni! haha.

yesterday, i ACCIDENTALLY hit a walking baby's head with my bag. i totally did'nt see him. he was like 5cm. how can i see right? and the mother was like "aiyooooo aiyoooooo" and keep on rubbing the kid's head. i was panicking already. my face was red! i cn practically feel my ears and face got hot! i swear if the boy cry, i'll totally cry too! haha.

OKAY FUN TIME OVER! TODAY'S GONNA SUCK REAL BADD! HOMEWORK dearest PLEASE LAHH LESSEN! HAHAHAHAHA. WHAT A NEVER-ENDING CHORE! BITCHASS.

damn, what a mood!

2010-04-16T21:58:00.004+08:00

Thank you for calling and cheering me up. Haha. Join Singapore Idols next season kayy. I'll vote punyaaaa. INSYAALLAH. Haha.

baby-justin bieber. PASS!
fall for you-secondhand serenade. PASS!
fireflies-owl city. PASS!
sugar we're going down- fall out boy. PASS!
lagu jiwang. TAK PASS! hahahahhahaaaaa.

TILL TUESDAYYYYYYY!

2010-04-16T00:06:00.002+08:00

granted. best!

thanks for loving me
cause you're doing it perfectly.

no more red eye late nights.

2010-04-14T05:47:00.002+08:00

I think I'll love today. Hmmmm. Lets see first.

2010-04-13T17:06:00.001+08:00

Mr Goo is funny today. i love watching him got stressed up. hahhahahaha.

i'm scared for o'levels. arghhhhhhh!
pray pray this ordeal would be over. haha.

in my head.

2010-04-13T06:25:00.001+08:00

i love facebook. i love my girls and i love my boyfriend.

okay done!

2010-04-10T09:10:00.003+08:00

ohh wells. you do your stuff and i'll do mine. that's better than having to chase you around kn? i know you are busyyyy most of the time but at least spare me some time.

2010-04-09T18:41:00.001+08:00

ewwwww! you are grossing me out.

2010-04-03T17:29:00.002+08:00

you are not doing anybody a favour.

let's end this shit.

2010-04-02T18:07:00.002+08:00

whatever. i'm still prettier. so i won't give a f***. hahaha.

go on harp on it.:)

2010-04-02T15:24:00.000+08:00

i think i have a problem....with myself. this sucks!

2010-04-02T12:32:00.005+08:00

i once convinced myself tt i won't care about pests but guess what? i still care.

so now, i don't wanna waste time thinking too much into things.
i'll be the best you never had.

frankly, i think your forked tongue is getting a little too much. i'll go with yr flow. we'll see who can last longer. hahahaahahahahahahahahaha. another thing. please, brush up on yr english before using tt language to speak to me. thankyouuu, loserrr.

-------------------------------------------------

dear mom,

i'm sorry..
thank you..
i promise..

love, nabeela

----------------------------------

okay. i saw you and i'm so pumped! hahahahhaha. you're still owing me three years worth of birthday present this year. hahahha. i won't let you off this time. hmmmmm.

-------------------------------------------

2010-03-26T23:17:00.002+08:00

Girlfrieeeeeeeends, can't wait for SRC! Whooooooheeeeewhoooooheeeooooo! Hahaha.

Fyzahhhhh! Tolong ehh. Don't be the next Farain. HAHAHHAHAHA.

2010-03-21T12:01:00.003+08:00

dang! i love you. hahahhahahahaahahahahaahaha.

i'll see you soon.
xoxo

2010-03-20T15:34:00.002+08:00

TO FYZAH SELTH. muackks!

i got a Victoria Secret's body mist!! WANGIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAH. JOM SHARE!

2010-03-19T00:17:00.002+08:00

I LOVE US! I LOVE US! I LOVE US!

2010-03-18T22:01:00.003+08:00

guess what?
i'm not mad anymore. there, i told you. i'm kind. i don't keep grudges. hhahahahahah. WHATEVER LOSERS!

i love facebook. its keeping me busy.

p/s; aku still rasa kau merepek.

paranoia. fuck!

2010-03-17T20:11:00.004+08:00

eh, idiot. see that?

thats my ass. KISS it fucker!

I DON'T GIVE A BLOODY HOOT, BUGGER.

2010-03-15T22:53:00.002+08:00

keep making me feel all right.
for what its worth, i love you.

2010-03-15T21:31:00.001+08:00

have faith in me, thats all.

2010-03-12T20:36:00.000+08:00

dear, don't flatter yourself.
you are nowhere near.

2010-03-08T17:46:00.001+08:00

hmmm, what you say?
so i've thought.

you steal my lines and struck me dumb.

2010-03-07T11:36:00.002+08:00

maybe, just maybe.
i know its too far fetched.
but lets hope for a miracle.

y'know, you could practice a little bit of self control. don't go salivating around other people's people. its disgusting.
just because a phase of yr life is over doesn't mean yr whole life is over. pick yourself up. you are so pitiful.

2010-02-26T23:06:00.002+08:00

kerosene, keeps me warm
feel so good to watch it burn.

and tonight boy, its only you and me.

2010-02-16T13:12:00.002+08:00

dear sweetheart(s),
HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY!

2010-02-16T12:56:00.002+08:00

yesterday was fucking awesome.
i love Medusa's hair! hahahahaa.

fyzah; sabar sabar. lets save up first. haha.

2010-02-13T15:06:00.002+08:00

oh, just shut up.

go sit down one corner and lick yr wounds. don't forget to listen to your angry girl music while you're at it.

2010-02-09T10:45:00.003+08:00

still, the 2nd choice.

i have no idea what i want.

2010-02-07T12:37:00.004+08:00

will it be okay?

suddenly i'm not so sure anymore. i'm doubtful of what we can achieve together. it doesn't look too promising.

i hate this feeling. it is insane.

2010-01-31T02:45:00.003+08:00

Sometime during the night I woke up and reached for my phone, and guess what? Its 00:00! It gt me thinking on how I had spent this Saturday. It had been the most humiliatingly boring weekend ever. I swear my phone was abnormally silent throughout the 2 days. I know i know. My damned ppd is low. Normally I would die for days like this when everything seems tranquil and I could rot away silently. But now its as though there is something missing. I suddenly feel like I need somebody to always be there wherever I turn. I know its too much to ask for but fact is, you'd feel much safer. Like finally somebody's watching over you. Like a guardian angel, maybe? Its a long time coming. I never thought I'd ever feel like this. I'm never much of a dependent kind. I don't like to feel leashed. I like to walk my walk. Maybe its the insecurity talking. Too used to the feeling of being used. Two relationships in a row. Hey, that calls for a major pity party!

I'm so gg out today to celebrate life like every 17yr old-gonna be(s) should. I need to treat my sorry self until I'm as happy as the happiest lark. I don't care if I'm gg alone as long as I would be satisfied. I guess the expression shopping is the best cure is so very true. But I won't make it into a habit. It's an expensive habit, obviously. Lets nt get hopes too high. Only if this month's allowance has already been deposited into that sad, dry account of mine. And also all remnants of last week's hw are done. Haha. What a party pooper!

Okay. Now my weekdays are officially busy. I guess I couldn't spend much time on you anymore. Lets wait till the June holidays, then can I sit and stare at your cartoon face all day long, and still won't get enough of it. It sounds overachieving, but lets hope for the best. Don't cut our honeymoon short.

Goodbye January. Hello February! I hope you'll be as kind.

2010-01-30T11:36:00.002+08:00

okay. i didn't go fr the trng. well, i gt sickk.:(

to whoever who are sick;
GET WELL SOON! haha.

i miss you badly. like really really bad.
i'm so hopeless.

so, i'll see you when i see you.

2010-01-28T09:08:00.000+08:00

*fingers crossed*
lets hope for the best.

2010-01-28T08:30:00.002+08:00

how are you lungs?
-we're fine. haha

guess. they're better now. haha. i should be gg fr trng today.
so i hope you'll shut yr goddamned trap. kay?(:

you are so not shy anymore ehy. haha.

2010-01-23T01:27:00.003+08:00

and so the story goes.

2010-01-22T09:44:00.002+08:00

its the third week of school and i'm feeling tired of school already. i think my future job would be an unglamorous one. nursing. haha. no life.

2010-01-21T23:34:00.003+08:00

priceless.

I hate hectic lifestyles.

Floorball and hockey season starting soon. But sheets and sheets of homework keep on piling. It is so suffocating. Came late for training because of coaching lessons or re-tests and got the sarcastic remark. Didn't come for classes, get this pep talk on how education is more important, how your future depends on how well you are gonna do for o'lvls. Duhh. Like i don't know.

Idk why but i feel so not up to standard in both my studies and CCA. Sports, not doing well. Studies, Worse! I look around and notice that everybody is bucking up, everybody is working hard. But i feel as though i'm like the only one not doing anything. Taking it slow. I can't seem to possess myself into studying. I hate that word now. I heard people could be hypnotized into quitting smoking. Maybe i could do the same for studying. There! That's the word again. Haha.

Weekends are like a Snickers bar in many ways. It's pleasurizing and at the same time, so fattening. Not only did i get to lie in and just chill the whole day but it is also the time when you get to meet people.(in a generic way) Haha. Very unnecessary, i know. And when it is already weekends, Monday seems very near and all the torturous days would start yet again. The anticipation would keep me from having as much fun as i should be. So it's like a win-win situation. You get to have a bit of fun but still have got to study. But its still the few days i look forward to.

Does that makes any sense? I don't know what i am saying. Haha. Forget it!

Dear God, let all this be over and let me have long holidays. So i could sleep in everyday and care not for the things around like an ignorant i am. Amen.

Let's keep Saturdays as special as can be.

Another thing, about friends. I think the situation is improving. I shan't elaborate much.

I got a lot to blog about still but lets just keep it until here. This is the result of not blogging often. I would end up with tons to share but just can't find the time. At least now i know people are reading, i could at last post something decent. Haha. I don't feel like i'm talking alone anymore. Very wierd, you see. Haha.

I need to sleep. I can't wait for tmrw. Haha.

2010-01-17T11:05:00.003+08:00

you are so bloody great that i could very much worship you.

sore loser. omg. i'm so mad!

2010-01-17T10:40:00.002+08:00

this beautiful city seems empty
all the people in the world and you still feel lonely
whats the point of having it all?
sometimes you just need to start again in order to fly

people change due to circumstances. its not like they want to.

rude belligerent and very much annoying. stop disturbing my life lahh, idiot. gosh! you need a kick in the head, man.

2010-01-11T23:20:00.002+08:00

so far, school has been okay. big improvement on my part. no more latecoming/detention/truancy.

this is like my last year in this school. hope to give all out for this last stretch. the result would be confirmation of what i would be in future.

gotten F&N o'lvl question paper just now.

heartbeat go wild.

2010-01-03T10:13:00.003+08:00

okay, this one, forgot to post.

have anybody ever had people telling you tt you are not good enough for him/her? well, screw them! they suck. nobody needs a loser like tt. if they are so good why are they ...?
i don't wanna say it. its too mean. haha.

countdown was fine. nothing significant happened. the fireworks at the float was awesome! i was in awe. seriously. haha. beautiful! then spend the night at Sentosa. tt was okay. i don't understand why people have to fight over staring incidents. its like so last 4 years. ohh wells what can i say?

the next morning, everybody trouped back to Yishun.

few of us went to meet the MR Bigshot himself. he made us wait some more. woahh. super bigshot lahh seyy.

i have yet to do my IC. sheesh!

2009-12-25T14:08:00.001+08:00

okay. totally not a night to remember. but instead a day to remember.

Fyzah _ we are here for you. okay? i love you.

2009-12-22T15:52:00.002+08:00

okay. sentosa was Boomz! haha. tonned at Palawan Beach tower. it was super cold. haha. seriously. okay. shan't eloborate much.

pictures would be uploaded soon.

24/12/09 would be a night to remember.

2009-12-19T12:03:00.002+08:00

WATCH THIS;

SWITCHFOOT - YOU [A WALK TO REMEMBER]

2009-12-17T10:42:00.004+08:00

airport trip photos

life has been pretty much hectic these days. wish i could take a breather or just stay home for 2 days maybe. and i'll be fully recharged.

all these outings were to compensate for next year's study marathon. haha. so had to go out like crazy and then would i feel contented to just sit at home and study study.

worries;
retaking of maths paper next year.
assignments still untouched.
The problem. (aww, shitt!)

i gotta new heartthrob.

2009-12-16T22:08:00.001+08:00

shitt! its haunting me!

2009-12-16T14:28:00.000+08:00

pictures of this KL Trip are all on Facebook.